The Foleys

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THE FOLEYS

Bio

After getting tired of training the Cream of the Crop, Professor Pain left the confines of his gym and set off on a quest to find the most face melting sound ever. His goal was to cripple his foes! He searched far and wide. From every gym-based sparring match to barroom brawl his thirst for perfection remained unquenched and he always left victorious yet unfulfilled. Then, when all hope seemed to be lost, he stumbled upon the fragmented pieces of the dissociative identify disorder of Mick Foley rendered in flesh -golems of mayhem incarnate. Like Michelangelo’s “David” each were a perfect work of art. There was Manny, who although thought himself ugly and disfigured, never realized his true musical potential beauty until enlightened by the Professor. Manny was coaxed out of the depths of his boiler room for his true calling. Next, Jacky – a bloodthirsty physical brawler from a time long gone who can articulate himself just as well with a guitar as he can with barbed wire, sharp objects, an “ol’ six-shooter” or a trashcan. Jacky instantly answered the call when he heard tales of scores of fans putting life and limb in peril in a “pit” and hungrily yearned to be the catalyst to set off such chaos. Then, Duder was found at a hippie commune where he spent his days dabbling in hallucinogens, screen-printing, and doling out pain and justice against those who were hurting the environment and the “love movement with his percussive forces. The Professor was able to wax existentialism with Duder and won his trust and allegiance. The last piece of the puzzle came as Micky. Micky, the author, sage, the one who can try to keep all the other Foleys in balance. The four strings of his bass representing the four sides to the Foleys that are strummed and plucked in perfect harmony. The stage was set and The Foleys, led by Professor Pain, embarked on their maiden journey of training and enlightenment. This consisted of venturing far and wide -sometimes, many times, putting themselves in harm’s way. In one such encounter, the group was far behind enemy lines, fighting for chaos, peace, normality, intellectualism, and rationality when in a firefight with the forces of evil, Duder was struck down in front of Mickey and the rest of this band of heroes were captured by the Axis of the Absurd led by Professor Pain’s long time rival and nemesis, World-Ender. This fiend, hellbent on ridding the world of any traces of professional wrestling and punk rock, amassed an army of mindless drones as foot soldiers, officers, and politicians to erase all memory of America’s most coveted pastime from the minds of all they conquered. The days of starvation, isolation, and torture for these four remaining brave souls turned into weeks, and those weeks into months. In time, the whereabouts of each of them was unknown to the others as they were scattered throughout the globe. Professor Pain was housed in a high security POW (Prisoners of Wrestling) camp where he was forced to do battle with the other inmates in deathmatches whose grotesque details would make a maggot vomit! He rose in the ranks, and he had one fight left before he would be coveted the King of the Ring. Inmates were not allowed to know who they were facing prior to their Championship match. When that day came, Professor Pain stepped into the ring with his toughest opponent ever! A mountain of a man, clad in leather, and wearing the color crimson with the strength of ten Mark Henrys. He was known as “The Baron”. Legend has it that he was a flying ace who has over one-hundred confirmed kills in dogfights. He takes no prisoners and would riddle the bodies of his parachuting opponents with percussive fire after immobilizing their planes in the sky. The Baron continued to show the same amount of mercy to his new opponent in the ring as he and Professor Pain clashed. Those who witnessed the bout wrote that the “earth shook, and the air pulsed” as these two behemoths attempted to rip apart one another. For many hours the battle waged on, and it seemed as if there would be no end in sight. To the onlookers and guards it would seem that these two gladiators were filled with hate towards one another, but inside the ring something else was afoot. With each tight clench that was entered into plans were whispered with one goal -Escape. They both knew that they didn’t stand a chance against the entirety of the camp’s forces alone, but combined they would be unstoppable. When the time was right, both The Baron and Professor Pain put their plan into action. They leapt from the ring, and decimated the camp’s forces while they made their way to the runway to fly out of that hellhole. As they made their way to the airfield, they saw the General standing before them with a bit of cloth clutched in one of his hands and motioning them into a bout of “winner takes all” combat. After this brief, but fierce encounter, The General was hewn down by the likes of Professor Pain, the Baron, and the duo commandeered an aircraft and made their escape. Professor Pain and The Baron, once fierce adversaries, now formed a strong alliance. From there, they spent many moons hunting down and finding the rest of The Foleys. Manny was found first in an interment camp where he was forced to keep the great furnaces going for the World Ender’s war effort. Once liberated, the three of them made their way across the land, picking up bits of information along the way, to rescue Jacky who was in a forced-labor munitions factory churning out arms for the World Ender. Many foot soldiers met their end at the hands of Manny, Jacky, The Baron and Professor Pain that day. Finally, the last piece of the puzzle was discovered with the last words of a dying officer at the factory describing a propaganda camp that housed Micky. The group fearlessly fought hard and long, sending scores of men to their graves to make their way to Micky’s cell where he was chained to his press. The group tore the door from its hinges and as The Baron and Professor Pain grabbed the heavy chain that bound Micky to the press, Micky looked at the group and exclaimed, “I lost my brother. I saw him fall! I couldn’t save him! I am not worthy!” Upon hearing these words, The Baron reaches into his bomber jacket and pulls out the tattered cloth that the General was clutching on to at the time of his escape and reveals it as the tie-dyed shirt of Duder. Professor Pain drops the chain, looks at Micky, nods and says, “For him”. Micky grabs the garment and shouts, “Our Brother did not fall in vain. From this moment forward, I will honor him. I will be known as “Micky Love” - The Mellow and Fun-Loving Babyface that will continue to be the voice of reason for my brothers and will continue to carry the torch for the fallen! Micky slides the shirt over his chest and, imbued by the power of two Foleys, grabs the chain that binds him to the machine of lies and snaps it in-twain. The Foleys paired with Professor Pain and The Baron are now working tirelessly to rid the world of the worst heels as they seek to bring down the World Ender and to avenge the fall of Duder by bringing their face melting sounds to you! THE PEOPLE OF THE WORLD!! Join our fight! Be one of the few, the insane, the Foleys!!!!